I travel a lot for work.  Just a few days ago I was listening to the Wally Show on the radio my morning commute.  They started talking about a survey that Wally had found that discussed how much money you spend to keep your marriage healthy and strong.

They had figures for the wedding, the engagement ring, date nights every month, weekend get aways, and even yearly vacations.

Here were some of the figures they had mentioned:  $28,000 is the average cost of a wedding, $660 per month for date nights (ave $55 per night and 3 times per week), $2500 per year for vacations, $800 per year on jewelry, and others were mentioned.

I’ll be honest, as I was listening to these numbers and saying to myself, “That seems to be a little high.  Who can afford that?!?”

The real lesson in this wasn’t about the exact figures.  It’s about the investment made.  It’s putting such a high priority on the relationship that you are willing to invest not just money, but your time in nurturing and helping that relationship grow.

Investing In An Area Money Can’t Buy

In a culture that’s very focused on the financials, you often hear conversations about the money you need to be investing for retirement.  I hear stories from people all the time that didn’t plan for the future, didn’t invest, and now they are sorry they didn’t.

Relationships require the same investment.  My grandpa used to tell me as a kid, “Jesse, it’s all about relationships.”  When I was younger, I didn’t really get what he meant.  In the last 10 years, I’ve grown to really have an understanding of how profound of a statement that is.

Just like investing money, you must invest more in the relationship than you withdraw.  It’s not about what you can get from them as much as how much you can invest in them.  I’m not talking about giving all your time and resources to someone who doesn’t deserve it.  I’m talking about investing smart into a relationship that will produce dividends.

How successful you are in accomplishing your dreams and goals are in direct correlation to the health of the relationships you have around you helping you get there.  You weren’t built to walk alone in anything you do.  You need to feel like you belong to something outside of your own life.  Humans have a built in need to commune with others and belong to a purpose.  Relationships feed that need to belong.

Roy Baumeister and Mark Leary (1995) argue that the need to belong is a fundamental human need to form and maintain at least a minimum amount of lasting, positive, and significant interpersonal relationships. Satisfying this need requires (a) frequent, positive interactions with the same individuals, and (b) engaging in these interactions within a framework of long-term, stable care and concern.

As you can see, building healthy relationship is crucial to your success.

5 steps you can take to help build healthy and empowering relationships

1. Choose your friends wisely.  I know this sounds really elementary, but I see this first principle overlooked all the time.  You need people that are going to lift you up and encourage you.  You also need to be able to do the same for them.  If you are around someone that’s always draining you with negativity or tearing you down, they probably aren’t the best person to be investing your time with.
2. Don’t always be the one handing out advice.  This was one I had to learn.  I’m a fixer.  I hate seeing people hurting or going in a direction I see as being harmful.  But here’s the deal.  Sometimes people just want a sounding board to talk to.  They aren’t looking for someone to fix their situation as much as they are just wanting to be encouraged.  And that’s not always with words.  Sometimes just mourning with your friends as they are going through situations and being by their side is what they really need.
3. You need to honest.  Here’s one that I see people avoid a lot of times.  I’ve talked to people that are afraid to really tell their friends what they think in fear of hurting their feelings.  Or even fear of loosing them because they would be upset about their opinion.  If you really have a relationship that’s worth the investment, they will be glad you were honest.  It definitely might be a hard pill for them to swallow sometimes.  But in the end honesty is always the best policy.
4. Be who you are, not what you think they want you to be.  I wrote a song about this called “One of One” when I was going through a tough time in my life with this.  There are a lot of pressures that we can put on ourselves, or that other people put on you, to be someone that you’re not.  It can also be the reverse.  We sometime put those same pressures on others.  When you are trying to be someone that you’re not, it takes a toll on you emotionally and spiritually.  We were designed with certain traits, talents and personalities.  Being unique and different than others is wonderful quality, not a flaw.  By trying to be someone you’re not will only create an unhealthy environment for everyone you’re around.  On the flip side, by being able to have the freedom to be who you were created to be will create an atmosphere of fulfillment and encouragement.
5. Admit when your wrong.  This is a tough one to swallow sometimes.  I’m definitely not a fan of being wrong.  Partially because I hate letting other people down or even worse, hurting their feelings.  So if I admit I’m wrong, I have to own the fact I caused someone else pain.  But I’ve learned the hard way myself, and studies show, admitting your wrong when appropriate has a lot of healthy benefits.  One being trust.  People are more open with you when they can trust that you’ll humble yourself enough to say I’m sorry if needed.  That just makes for a healthy environment for everyone involved.

Each one of these actions will put healthy and valuable deposits into your relationships that will yield huge returns in the long run.  Again, looking at relationships through the eyes of investor, we need to make sure we’re looking at depositing more than taking.  Just like your bank account, if you don’t invest much but keeping taking money out, you’ll be broke before too long.

What one out of the 5 tactics are you going to focus on to make better investments into your relationships?  I’d love to hear your response in the comment section below.